Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Our Heartbreak

My life...our life (me & Lauren's) changed dramatically since August of 2007! How could I forget it, it was the start of my depression. Darkest days of my life! It wasn't easy for me especially I was 5 months pregnant! I found out my husband is cheating on me! Its not ok to be cheated on but its worst than u could imagined! I actually came face to face with the "girlfriend", I told her that I'm his wife that we will have a baby soon and the way she talked to me uhh her mother should be so proud of her! I don't understand... she's the one who was so mad and she talked all the BS in my face when she is the other woman! The car chase was no fun but I'm notorious when it comes to driving! I caught her in some residential backlane yelling/screaming at my face...she can't accept the fact that I'm his wife and she said its all my fault! That same night I was admitted to emergency...scares the hell out of me, the thought that I'm going to loose my baby! Luckily I'm just suffering early contractions which the doctors said that its normal! It got reported to my OBGYN and on my next check-up she asked me a bunch of questions regarding what happened and I can't help to burst bucketful of tears..I was emotional wreck so she prescribed a mild anti-depressant pill! I was fine for a month or two, living with a partner who u found cheating on you was a torture! I can't believe I stayed with him of all the things I discovered, from receipts of clothes to cellphone bill oh and not to mention a NEW cellphone, YES she bought them! Not only she's the other woman but she's a sugar mommy! She spoils my husband, from showering gifts to undeniable sex(?) Seeing all those things and confronting my husband made me so angry! He told me its not his fault, because he told her that they will stop their relationship immediately the day I found out but that could be a problem to her...she's the one making phone calls to the apartment and to their "secret" cellphone non-stop! The day came again, face to face with the "GF" the 2nd time was a huge disaster, I was almost 8months! I'm spying my hubby for weeks, I was depressed then, there is nothing I could do because I was pregnant! I caught both of them in the gym's parking lot! I was so mad that I want to slap that dumb b!tch! She yelled at me called me names but I fought back yelling at her and called her names...she was walking away in her car and drove away! While they left me all alone crying in the parking lot holding my pregnant belly, then I felt really sick in my stomach...trip to ER #2! This time it was dehydration, I was admitted there for 5 hours, consumed 2 bags of IV fluid was no fun! My family was too upset that they offered me to come home in my parent's house but I told them I have to think about it! Dec 7th 2007 I decided that enough is enough, I'm doing this for the sake of my baby so I moved out and left my hubby! Dec26 I gave birth to Lauren without my hubby by my side, it was heartbreaking but I stayed strong and sucked up all the pain! I look at my daughter for the first time was surreal, its unbelievable! All the thoughts rushed into my head...single mom? Divorce? financial support? Etc etc? I got depressed even more! First to 3rd month was the "sleepless" nights but day by day I was doing fine! Days go by I re-gained myself back up again but there are times that I just break down and cry! My family is the most amazing supporters in my life, they helped me even the roughest phase in my life and I love them so much!

18months later...I'm still trying to move on with our lives! Hubby is begging for us to come back, promised that he will change for the better! But trust is hard to get it back! He broke me in so many ways...he broke my heart, my soul, my life! But inspite of all that happened He's trying so hard to please us, he visits Lauren almost everyday and try to spend time with us on his day-off! He said that he will support us the best he can! But I told him that maybe its better for us to be like this for now, separated! We talk on the phone everyday and I share adorable stories about Lauren and we have a good laugh, its nice like that! When we go out just the 3 of us I felt that there is hope for us! Although we are still married we are not thinking to get divorce. I don't know if 2nd chance is worth a try but I won't expect anything, if we are meant to be...God will find ways to get us back together as a family!

Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry


Makeup Mama said...

Oh my gosh. Your story broke my heart! I'm a mommy, too, and I couldn't imagine that happening. Stay strong for your baby, like you have already been doing, and do whatever it takes to keep the 2 of you happy :) She's adorable!Good luck.

Dana Yoshimizu said...

Omg, your story made me so sad, I couldn't help but cry and just get so angry. I really hope that things have been getting a little better since January. I'm sure you're an amazing mother for your baby, keep your head up, and I wis you the best of luck hun <3